Depressive realism
vs
delusional optimism

A few points to get us started, courtesy of The Optimistic Child by Martin Seligman PhD:

• “Depressed people are accurate judges of how much skill they have, whereas non-depressed people think they are more skilful than others think them to be (80% of American men think they are in the top half of social skills)

• Non-depressed people remember more good events than actually happened and forget more of the bad events.

• Depressed people are accurate about both.

• Non-depressed people are lopsided about their beliefs about success and failure: if rewards occur – they claim the credit, the rewards will last and they’re good at everything; but if it was a failure, you did it to them, it’s going away quickly, and it was just this one little thing.

• Depressed people are even handed about success and failure.”

We are creating our reality through the stories that we tell ourselves about how the world works and our place in it.

If you base your story on the past and all the evidence you’ve accumulated, then you are effectively closed to true possibility.

“But that’s reality!”, I hear you cry and yes, maybe…

Living in the past/present loop traps you into being who you always have been, locks you into a limited view of reality, and blocks true possibility, but it is safe because it is based on evidence.

Oh but wait, isn’t that incredibly real? Aren’t we trying to be gloriously and freely delusional?

Yes please…

Being a delusional optimist means believing in something where there is no evidence – in other words living in the future/present loop and allowing yourself to dream!

“I couldn’t have imagined everything that has happened. But dreams are like that. That’s what makes the journey so interesting.” (Michael Jordan)

“‘One can’t believe in impossible things.’

“‘I daresay you haven’t had much practice’, said the Queen. ‘When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why sometimes I’ve believed in as many as six impossible things before breakfast.'”

Ask – What do I really want? How would it feel? Practise holding your mind in the realm of future possibility – treat it as a game – play!

If s#¡t happens – as it does in life – then consider the positive psychology approach advocated by Martin Seligman – and take a look at how you are describing events to yourself. In other words – take a good look at what story you are telling yourself about life and hence what you are creating.

• personal vs impersonal
• temporary vs permanent
• specific vs pervasive

“If you don’t ever plan to come back then wherever you are is reality.” (Daniel Johns – Silverchair)

Note also that the pessimist is an accurate judge of reality – so you’d better skew the evidence to make sure you’re being as wickedly delusional as possible!
Before going to sleep at night ask – “What did I do right today?” or “What was good about today?”

The aim here is to compile as much evidence as possible to support the story that you are having an amazingly blessed and happy life.

You see there’s a distinction between our ‘experiencing selves’ and our ‘remembering selves’ – check out the research of Daniel Kahneman, Nobel Prize winning psychologist, and specifically his great TED talk, The riddle of experience versus memory

In a nutshell what Daniel Kahneman says is that we can have a life full of happy experiences but unless we remember these and tell ourselves a good story about them then we won’t be happy.

So
– You’re creating your reality through the stories you’re telling yourself.
– If you’re being factually accurate there’s a good chance you’re leaning towards pessimism.
– Make a decision to be gloriously and unapologetically delusional.
– Train yourself to focus on the good stuff by asking every day, ‘What did I do right?’.
– Let go of the bad stuff: that means don’t write it down in your dear diary… if you are compelled to write it out do so on a piece of paper and then burn it!

In peace and love always.

first published 31st March 2012